My Hard Thing

Last week, I did something hard. Something I was so anxious about, I nearly didn't do it. Something I felt so unprepared for, I went in feeling so Less Than. Something I felt like just about anyone around me would do better than me. But I still did it. I signed up, had a few weeks to stress, and then I did it.

I joined a team for the Reno Tahoe Odyssey - a relay run going around the entire area, covering 178 miles over two days. I had run 6 miles before; your basic 10K, which felt like it was going to kill me. And here I was, signing up to run nearly 15 miles over the course of 30ish hours.

In addition to the running, you're in a van with 5 other people the entire time. I already feel awkward around people when I spend an hour with them, so here I was signing up to do this thing 20x more awkward than my normal social workout awkwardness.

And not only that, I had to eat around these people. Eat in such a way that I didn't make myself sick because I still had to run after that. I get sick to my stomach when I eat in front of anyone outside my immediate family, including my parents, so I didn't have much hope for myself. (What I found out: Everyone has stomach problems during these runs. We made so many porta-potty stops.)

I sat in the orientation meeting absolutely freaking out. I can keep my panic from hyperventilating, but I'm sure my eyes showed my full terror. As I heard the details (which I did already know, mostly), my brain started screaming "I don't want to do this". Back in my car, I was calm again and sort-of maybe wanting to try. When I got home, my husband was very encouraging and helped me sort through whether I wanted to do it or not. Didn't mean I wasn't still terrified, but I was prepared to try.

I stressed so much over the next couple week. Some of the other ladies would text me to check about running with them, but I couldn't. I had to stick with my own schedule and not put myself in additional uncomfortable situations (namely, I didn't want to think about it any more than I had to). So, I got in a couple last runs on my own and went in as unprepared as I was.

It turned out amazing...and sooo hard. I didn't feel awkward with the people I didn't know. No one was very chatty so I didn't have to feel left out. I felt like I had a place for that little bit of time. And I came home exhausted and full of belonging. I've missed that feeling for so long.

So, I would encourage you to take a chance. You never know how it'll turn out. Maybe next year I'll do it again. Have you done a hard thing lately?