Revised Brownies

I assume most people reading this have seen the original Paleo Brownies that I make every few weeks. Well, I tend to mess around with these sorts of recipes. I have trouble making the same thing, the same way, twice. This month's iteration turned out really good and much more consistently-textured, so I just had to share.

The problem with the original recipe is that, in an 8x8 pan: you have to cook it for a really long time, the outer edges are a bit hard and rubbery, and the inner section is really gooey. This variation takes care of all those issues and still gives you a very yummy brownie.

First off, I had to up the amount of nuts. I use 2-1/2 cups of un-ground nuts (combined any way you want...this batch was 1-1/2 cups almonds, 1/2 cup walnuts, 1/2 cup pecans. I find just almonds to be a bit bland tasting and just walnuts are on the bitter side). After grinding them up, mix in a bowl with 1/2 cup baking cocoa, 1/2 cup coconut sugar, 1/2 tsp salt and 1 tsp baking soda. Try to get as much lumpiness out as you can, until you have a nice even texture and all of the cocoa is incorporated.

In the same bowl (look what I did there! One bowl!), add 2 eggs, 1/2 cup maple syrup, 1/4 cup coconut oil and 1 tbls vanilla. This was a warm day, so I had no trouble with the coconut oil melting as I mixed. In winter, it might be necessary to melt first. Mix just until it has a consistent texture. Then add in about 2.5 oz of shaved dark chocolate, and fold over a few times to combine.

Use coconut oil to grease a 9x13 baking pan. Pour the batter in and use a spatula to spread it out evenly. It'll seem pretty thin, maybe 1/2 inch thick, so work it gently but make sure it's spread all the way to the edges of the pan. Bake for 30 minutes in a 325 degree oven. You might even want to check it after 20 minutes and decide how much longer. I normally have to give recipes extra time since I'm at a higher altitude, but 35 minutes for this batch was actually a little too long.

They turned out nicely cake-y (so if you're looking for gooey, definitely take the time down) and very evenly textured. Easy to cut and remove from the pan too. And they were eaten too fast to get a picture of a whole piece! I'll definitely make these again in this same way.

Serafina and the Psycho Sous-Chef by Marie Treanor

Serafina and the Psycho Sous-Chef
by Marie Treanor
Rating: 4 of 5 stars

My Review:
I like this series. It's a fun, adventurous read with some romance thrown in. I've read book one, missed books two and three, and this is book four, but I didn't feel lost or confused. This story referred to events that happened in the middle books, but it was always in a way that I got the information I needed without huge catch-up information dumps. I will have to read books two and three sometime, but even without those two, it didn't disturb my enjoyment of this book.

The series is a large arc and it's still not complete in book four. There were many things you know will be sewn up in later books, but also no cliffhangers. This novel is the story of Linnie and Phil. I liked Phil in book one. He was a fun, devil-may-care guy with a obviously big heart. Being a vampire, he's a bit morally ambiguous but he's loyal and cares about his friends. It seems Linnie has some air time in the middle books, but I don't know which ones and I won't spoil this book by sharing too much about her. In this story, she went from fragile, frightened co-ed to strong, confident woman. I liked her.

What I have to say about this book (and the series) is that each character is not 100% good or right. They all have their own moral code and in each book someone is wrestling with their understanding of who deserves empathy and compassion.

Phil and Linnie reached a positive conclusion; like I said, no cliffhangers. The book is their story but there's a lot of overall arc happening too. The sous-chef was only a minor character in my mind, but added a certain depth and gave the mystery-solvers some important clues. It's an engaging adventure with thought provoking characters. Although it has some elements common to vampire romance, it's a broad story of supernatural beings and an original take on the paranormal with some elements that are not canonical. I recommend if you're looking for a charming paranormal saga with likable characters who live in the shadows. A little bit of sex, a healthy dose of romance, some shared secrets and a thought provoking tale of shared species humanity.

I received a complementary ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review.

**This review is archived on my blog: The Theory of LietoFine

A New Spaghetti Sauce

You know me, always looking for more veggies. This time, I had a whole ton of stuff in the fridge getting ready to go bad, and DH is out of town so it had to be something that the boys would eat. I figured pasta is the easiest thing for them, so I'd just go with sauce that would last a while.

I had to make it at 9pm the other night. We got home late and the ground turkey had finished defrosting so I couldn't leave it until the next day. That means I got to try it right after it was done, but the boys had to wait until the next day. I was ready to eat it like soup, it was so good. It got two thumbs up from the boys too.

I sautéed 5 large florets of cauliflower, a bunch of baby carrots and 6 oz of spinach with some oil and almost 2 tsp of minced garlic. Once the spinach was all wilty, I added in 9 roma tomatoes, quartered and sautéed for another few minutes.

I threw all of that into the Vita-Mix and added about 2 cups of water. It was so super full, but the Vita-Mix was still able to handle it. Everything was ground up into a nice smooth soupy mixture.

Then I fried down a pound of ground turkey. I might have thrown in some onion too if it wasn't so late. I sucked out all the grease and then added the veggie puree, along with 2 tablespoons of sugar, a cup of red wine, 2 tsp of basil and a tsp of salt. I simmered it all for about 20 minutes (although I couldn't put the lid on because the pot was too small).

When things got a little foamy, I had to skim off the top from the sauce. After the 20 minutes, I added two cups of mozzarella and stirred until it was all melted and combined. Last was a cup of whipping cream (it makes the sauce stick to the noodles so much better).

Next time, I need to use a bigger pot. If it weren't for the 9 tomatoes about to go bad, I think the pot would have been fine. The boys had the sauce over pasta. I finished up the spaghetti squash. It was all good. (Except my first try with spaghetti squash and it was still really crunchy.) I will definitely be making something like this again.

Failure and Need

So, you know I did this hard thing. Running...and running...and running. I obviously got through it. After a lot of sleeping and a while of taking it easy, my body feels like it's mostly recovered. I've got a couple weak spots that feel like they need some babying still, but I think I'll be ok. I better be - I have a timed mile to run tomorrow and then a 10K to run on Saturday.

But this run has given me so much to think about. My biggest frustration with my own running was the last two miles. It was only a 5+ mile run. I should have been able to do it. I ran my six miles at high altitude with less problem than I expected, felt great for my 3+ miles, but then that last one... I felt like my body couldn't keep going.

What does that really mean? I walked some of those last two miles. I feel so small when I say that. I should have been able to run it. Everyone else in my van was running 10 minute miles or less the whole time and I'm sitting there at over 11 minute miles and I still had to walk.

For the last half mile, one of my teammates found me and ran the last bit with me... after she had already run 16+ miles. Talk about feeling small.

But the thing is, I can choose to focus on that small feeling, or I can choose the other one. The one that says I just ran three times as far as I normally run, on no sleep, and I still made it. I'm whole. I was a part of something amazing and I didn't have to do it all by myself.

We convince ourselves that it's not worth anything if we didn't meet all these standards: running at least <this> fast, feeling energized afterwards, doing it by ourselves. But none of that matters. The truth is: we were out there, we did it, it was exhausting. All of that is ok.

I had to unpack that same feeling when I had both of my boys. Giving birth at home, with no drugs. I had this idea that I would be all Superwoman about it and push my kids out and it would all be awesome. But it wasn't. It was hard, it was work, I whined, I pushed for ages before the midwife helped me figure out how.

I felt like a failure. Holding my child, thinking I should have been able to do this thing on my own. It took so long for me to see that it's ok to need other people. It's ok to claim victory over something, even if other people helped you.

I gave birth to two children and I'm awesome, but I didn't do it alone. I ran over 14 miles of the relay and had a great time. I'm awesome, and I wouldn't have made it without my teammates.

So, what are you awesome for today?

My Hard Thing

Last week, I did something hard. Something I was so anxious about, I nearly didn't do it. Something I felt so unprepared for, I went in feeling so Less Than. Something I felt like just about anyone around me would do better than me. But I still did it. I signed up, had a few weeks to stress, and then I did it.

I joined a team for the Reno Tahoe Odyssey - a relay run going around the entire area, covering 178 miles over two days. I had run 6 miles before; your basic 10K, which felt like it was going to kill me. And here I was, signing up to run nearly 15 miles over the course of 30ish hours.

In addition to the running, you're in a van with 5 other people the entire time. I already feel awkward around people when I spend an hour with them, so here I was signing up to do this thing 20x more awkward than my normal social workout awkwardness.

And not only that, I had to eat around these people. Eat in such a way that I didn't make myself sick because I still had to run after that. I get sick to my stomach when I eat in front of anyone outside my immediate family, including my parents, so I didn't have much hope for myself. (What I found out: Everyone has stomach problems during these runs. We made so many porta-potty stops.)

I sat in the orientation meeting absolutely freaking out. I can keep my panic from hyperventilating, but I'm sure my eyes showed my full terror. As I heard the details (which I did already know, mostly), my brain started screaming "I don't want to do this". Back in my car, I was calm again and sort-of maybe wanting to try. When I got home, my husband was very encouraging and helped me sort through whether I wanted to do it or not. Didn't mean I wasn't still terrified, but I was prepared to try.

I stressed so much over the next couple week. Some of the other ladies would text me to check about running with them, but I couldn't. I had to stick with my own schedule and not put myself in additional uncomfortable situations (namely, I didn't want to think about it any more than I had to). So, I got in a couple last runs on my own and went in as unprepared as I was.

It turned out amazing...and sooo hard. I didn't feel awkward with the people I didn't know. No one was very chatty so I didn't have to feel left out. I felt like I had a place for that little bit of time. And I came home exhausted and full of belonging. I've missed that feeling for so long.

So, I would encourage you to take a chance. You never know how it'll turn out. Maybe next year I'll do it again. Have you done a hard thing lately?

Summer Rain - An Anthology

Summer Rain
Rating: 4.5 of 5 stars


My Review:
So all of these stories revolve around rain, which I didn't actually take note of while I was reading. Go figure. Some of the stories revolve around the idea of consent and acceptance, others find hope and transformation. I enjoyed each of the stories although there was very little I Love You's or happily-ever-afters. There was the hope of more, but some of the stories were more of an exploration of life and a character's journey to love themselves through their interactions with others.


Redemption by Ruthie Knox is the story of Mike Kaminsky and Julie; a couple who have been casually hooking up for a while. But when bankruptcy threatens for Julie, she needs to decide if she's ready to ask for what she wants or move on the way she normally does. It's a sad story with a heavy feeling. The writing and the characters are real and excellently drawn, but the end is not sunshine and roses – it's a step in the direction of trust, both characters putting themselves out there, moving toward each other and accepting where they are.


Molly O'Keefe's story, The Heart Of It, is pretty much the most sweet and poignant story ever. I cried through nearly the whole thing. Gabe is so messed up, he hires an escort to help him get over his abuse flashbacks. But he can't seem to go through with it. This is attempt four with the same woman. Both characters are so compelling and damaged, but full of caring and hope. This story felt like the memory of a first crush: that shy time when you daydream about someone but never really pin your worth onto them and only find out later that they were thinking about you too.


Cecelia Tan's story, Sacrifice, was the most obvious exploration of consent - with a demigod and a woman given to him as a sex slave. Two characters with separate languages, no prior interactions, but a need for intercourse to fulfill the natural order of things. The glimpse I got of the characters felt very small, considering all the space needed for world building. The story was interesting, but it was recording this journey to consent more so than the lives of the characters themselves.


Real Feelings by Charlotte Stein is a little bit of futuristic Pinocchio. It's another story that deals with the understanding of consent and desire. Moira buys a sex android but finds she wants someone who wants her back. I think this is the one I thought about the most afterwards, philosophically speaking. The infinite loops you're mind can travel with this story are awe-inspiring, and the characters are so caring and sweet.


Rainy Season by Mary Ann Rivers was what I considered much less of a couple love story. It was a story about Lisa finding herself and fulfilling her own desires. Mark gives her permission to look at herself instead of only trying to be what everyone else would want. It was a very hopeful story and so well written; with a little bit of magic, some art, and a buoyant feeling.


The Rain In Spain by AJ Cousins sets Magda and Javi in Spain after having been married for a year. They're both unsure if their relationship will last; feeling isolated from each other and having such different personalities. Another story that I cried through. There's something so moving about people being together but still trying to figure out if they're worth something. It's one of the tropes that has no easy answers – Magda travels for work more than she's home and Javi likes being a homebody. In this story, AJ struck the perfect balance of acceptance without epiloguing out the difficulties.


Fitting In by Audra North is college-ish with two characters who know about shame. The son of gay immigrants and a girl who had an abortion. Leila is farther along in her journey than Stas and she's able to help him let go of the shame and fear of rejection. The story was such an interesting journey and an original take on trying to fit in vs. being true to yourself.


In Private Study by Shari Slade ,Tess was a very sheltered child and is breaking out of that mold in college. But when her college classmates find her vlog posts about sexuality and sex toys, she's not prepared for the jerks and she's not sure how to deal with the nice guy. It's one of those first love stories with lots of floundering and miscommunications. Their love story is sweet and fragile and made me hope they'd keep pushing through the awkward missteps they're sure to have.


Storm Warning by Alexandra Haughton was a fun Texas tale of second chances. Misunderstandings and hurt feelings kept Amy and Tom emotionally apart while Amy chased her dreams, but she's come home with her tail between her legs to regroup and reinvent herself. This story reminded me of some of the older Diana Palmer stories, without the old skool patriarchy. There was Texas, obviously, and a certain surprising passion to these characters that's reminiscent of what I always loved about Diana Palmer's older stories.


I received a complementary ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review



**This review is archived on my blog: The Theory of LietoFine