Ruin Me

Ruin Me
by Cara McKenna
Rating: 4.5 of 5 stars

My Review:
It was my second time through with this book. Somehow I missed writing a review the first time I read it, but it was so good I had to read it again. I think I got a lot more nuances this time.

First off, I started following Cara McKenna on Twitter after I read this the first time. On this second read, seeing how she likes birds so much, I realized how many bird references this book has. It is just amazing and awe-inspiring that so much background can have birds thrown in and not be immediately obvious and also not end up being over-the-top. I never noticed it on the first read, but now it seems so unmistakable I can't believe I missed it.

Robin and Jay (hehe...birds) are almost engaged but Robin just can't get over her attraction to Patrick. He's the guy that saved her from a thug with a knife years ago and served jail time for beating the guy up. Robin visited him every week in jail (long before she was with Jay) but they never pursued anything when he was released. She's never stopped thinking about him and they end up seeing each other in passing all the time because they live in the same small town.

Jay understands that he'll never be able to move forward with Robin while she's lusting after Patrick. He's secure enough to let her experiment if she wants to and finds some of it alluring, but we really don't get in his head much because this story is written first person, only from Robin's perspective. We know that Jay is very caring and comfortable for Robin. Things are set in motion and he seems to be ok with it, but I couldn't tell if he connected with his own emotions enough to decide what he really wanted with Robin.

Then there's Patrick. He seemed sort of timid but strong and burly. He's a lumberjack and can obviously take someone in a fight. He's pretty quiet but he's got some unspoken attractions to Robin. On the one hand, I was a little frustrated that he hadn't taken some initiative sooner. But at the same time, I was glad Robin started taking some baby steps towards making her own decisions and controlling her own destiny.

It's quite a question to ask: do you love someone enough to let them experiment with someone else, or do you love someone enough that you'd never be ok with sharing? Really makes you think about what love means and “if you love someone you set them free” or if you hold on tightly because you're in love. It wouldn't be an easy decision if I were in this position and I think Cara McKenna did a nice job with the nuanced feelings between all the characters.

Jay and Robin just seem so comfortable with each other. I could really see where Robin was coming from that she didn't want to lose what she had with Jay for the possibility of attraction with Patrick. It was sad but understandable to see her so passive in the sense that she really just wants someone else to make the decision so she doesn't have to. By the end, I'm not sure that she quite gained a back bone, but she at least took some steps in that direction.

This story had a lot of erotica to it, including a little bit of two guys and a girl. However, while the writing was pretty explicit, it was mostly vanilla sex and/or heavy petting. In fact, this is one of the first books I've read that could take the all-star-awkward-sex award. I swear almost every incident of sexuality involved a lot of awkward fumbling and real-world, trying-to-figure-this-stuff-out, ouch-don't-do-that-again blundering. But it all turns out very endearing and heart-wrenching. I enjoyed all of it, including the complicated questions it engendered, and I know I'll read it again.